Date: Wed, 12 Oct 2005 20:24:12 -0700 (PDT)
From: Richard Mark <andygaywriter@yahoo.com>
Subject: In Pain: In Pain Chapter 3

WARNING!  To qualify to read this story, you must be of
legal age and allowed by the jurisdiction or jurisdictions
that govern you to read sexually explicit homosexual
material.  If you do not qualify, you must exit and seek
other material.  You have been warned.  Thank you for
cooperating and being fair to others.

All persons, names, places, descriptions, and events are
purely fictional.  Any resemblance to actual persons, names,
places, descriptions, or events is totally accidental and a
pure coincidence.

This story is the sole creation of its author and thus he
retains full publication rights.  Please email me to post it
on a site other than Nifty.  Email me at:
andygaywriter@yahoo.com.  Thanks!


Chapter 3 : Explosion & Recovery

Wow.  I was tired.  Both emotionally and physically.  I
crawled into bed around 7 a.m. and my dad was knocking at my
door at 8:30 a.m. to have me mow the lawn.

"Dad.can I do it this afternoon?" I cried out.

"No Andrew," my dad said.  "We have the barbeque tonight
with Sam and Kate and you have to be there."

Damn.  I had forgotten about that.  Sam and Kate were my
aunt and uncle.the parents of Paul, my amazing cornerback
cousin who had ruined my game the night before.  "Alright
dad, I'll be out in a minute."

I groggily threw some shorts on and a clean t-shirt, old
shoes and made my way to the garage.

"Bout time you got up," my dad said.  "I saw ya come in this
morning.  Anything I need to know about?"

I froze.  I had no idea what he knew or saw.  "No," I said,
hoping he'd just drop the matter.

"Well, you know you were out past curfew."

"Yeah, I know.if it's any consolation, I didn't leave until
almost three and it was just Kole and I.  We went to the
park to talk about the game."  I really wasn't in the mood
to fight about the night before.  Especially when there were
still too many issues going on in my head.

"Well, I didn't tell your mother," he said.  "But Andy,
don't go out that late anymore.  If you must, stay here and
talk about the game, okay?"

"Okay dad."  I pulled the mower out, filled it up with gas
and started the front yard.  My dad was in the garage doing
some wood-work.  Who knows what he's working on this week.
Mom always has him doing some stupid project.

I quickly finished the back and pushed the mower into the
garage and was getting ready to go in and shower when my dad
called after me, "So, what did happen last night?"

Again, I stopped dead in my tracks and turned and looked at
him with the quizzical look on my face.

My dad stared at me like I was dense.  "About that game
Andy.  What happened last night?  I thought you were ready?"

"Oh.yeah, we're not sure what happened.  We'll be back
though.  I think losing will help us."  I turned to go
inside and started thinking.can we really be better?  Can I
really throw the ball and get sacked for a bunch of
homophobic jocks?

I got to my room and signed on to see who was up at this
horrible hour.  I saw a few friends and a few teammates, but
I didn't want to talk to them right now.  My head still
wasn't in the right place.  I started surfing around,
reading the news of the day when a box popped up, "Accept
message from qbstud9?"  I thought, sure, what the hell?

Qbstud9: Hey Andy.how you doing this morning?

Express958: Fine.who is this?

Qbstud9: oh, your cuz gave me your name.  This is Neal from
last night.  Remember me?  From the Jags.

Express958: Yah, how could I forget?  You ruined my first
start.

Qbstud9: do you really feel that way?

Express958: No I don't.  I did it myself.

Qbstud9: don't be so hard on yourself man.  You'll get it
down.  I believe in you.

Express958: thanks

Qbstud9: can I offer some advice?

Express958: whatever.

Qbstud9: Andy - you've got a great arm.  Just relax when
you're out there next week.  This week in practice you need
to do two things.  One, show the guys you are going to give
it everything you have.  If you do, they'll follow.  Two is
to have fun.  If you're not having fun, not only will you
play bad, but your guys will too.  I know this is really
uncustomary, but I want you to succeed.  You are special
man.

I really didn't know how to take that.  It's weird getting
that from an opposing player.especially over the internet.
That means he really wanted to talk to me.

Express958: Thanks man.that means a lot.  I just hope I can
do those things you said.  It was a rough night last night
to say the least.

Qbstud9: wanna talk about it?

Express958: not now man.I gotta go shower and get some
homework done.  Thanks though.  I appreciate it!

I signed off before he could say anything back.  The last
time I did that I was gunna.well, that wasn't going to
happen again.

                            *****

"We're here!" my mom called as we walked to into Sam and
Kate's backyard.  It was already full of my relatives and
cousins.  I wasn't a big fan of these gatherings, but we did
them at three times a year: now, Thanksgiving and Christmas.
What was worse is that I was dragged every time.  You'd
think that being 16 I'd be able to do things of my own
choosing.  Especially after the game the night before.

I was soon surrounded by my grandma and my aunts and uncles
consoling me for the loss the night before.

"Sorry about the game honey."

"You'll get `em next week."

"It's not the end of the world."

"Isn't it cool that Paul was the one who intercepted your
pass?"

I think my brother caught sight of my desire to smack them
all.  "Hey Andy, Dad wants you for a second," Mike said
pulling me away from my crazy family.

We walked into the house, "Thanks man, I needed that," I
said.

"Yeah, I could tell you were kinda getting mad."

I started to walk away when he grabbed my arm.  "So, are we
going to talk about last night ever?"

I froze again.  What was he talking about?

"What do you mean?  Are you talking about how I sucked on
the field?"

"No bro.  I'm talking about what happened outside. I heard
tires screeching then you and Kole come in."

"Oh man.  That was nothing.  You know Kole, gotta make a big
scene."

"Okay, but then why did you guys go out past your curfew?  I
know it's probably none of my business but I can tell
something is bothering you."

I was totally taken aback.  This is the last thing I needed.
I was getting totally lost in my head and I needed to end
this conversation - fast.

"Can we talk about this later Mike?  I should go talk to
everyone."

"Yeah - sure.  But I'm not letting you off the hook."

I made my way back outside to more sad looks on my families
faces.  It was like my puppy had died.  I was so sick of
that look.  I wanted people to just look at me.  Just wait
until they find out I'm gay.  Oh wait!  That's never going
to happen!  Okay, I'm safe.

I was chomping on some carrots when I felt a hand on my
shoulder and heard an all too familiar voice.

"Hey killer," Paul said.  "Nice throw."

"Shut up man, please," I pleaded.

"Hey man, you know I'm only joking.  I hated to catch that
ball, you know that.  We both want to win, it's in our
blood."

"Yeah, I guess."

I was so tired of talking football at this point I was going
to blow.

"Man, is something wrong?  It's just one game," Paul said.

"Damnit!  I wish people would just let the stupid game go.
It's over.  Damnit.  I'm more than a losing quarterback.  I
do go to school.  I even got a fu -,"

"Andrew!" my mother yelled.

I heard my dad start saying goodbye to our relatives and
apologize at the same time.  Then he walked over to me and
just looked into my eyes and said, "Let's go."

The car ride was pretty silent until we got into our garage.
I got out and Mike and my mom went inside then dad closed
the door behind him.  "Okay, we have to talk son.  You said
everything was okay, but you about took Paul's head off
tonight.  You're out way past curfew last night.  What's
going on son?"

I didn't know what to say.  There was no way I was going to
tell him the truth.  Not now, not ever.

"You have to say something.you're not going inside until you
do."

"Dad, it's nothing.  I'm just tired and stressed about
football.  Everyone is putting so much pressure on me and
I'm tired of it.  I want to have fun again.  I cost us the
game - try that for why I'm a little edgy."

"I understand son.  Believe me I do.  And it's not the end
of the world.  But it will get tougher and if you're going
to help this team win, you have to find a way to let it roll
off your back.  All good athletes do."

I was ready to end this conversation because I knew I was
going to cry.  I walked towards him and as I passed him I
started to say, "Well, maybe I'm not a good athlete then."

I was so tired of being the perfect son.  The perfect
athlete.  I could have just puked all over him as I walked
by.  My brother was in the kitchen when I walked in and saw
I was pissed.  I walked quickly to my room and as I tried to
shut the door his hand stopped it.

"Not a good athlete huh?" Mike said.  "Andy," he said
shutting the door, "what the hell is going on?"

I so wanted to tell him.  I wanted my brother to be my best
friend.  I wanted him to just understand.  But I couldn't.
I couldn't put this burden on him.  I had to live with it
and mostly, I wanted him to keep loving me.

"Dude, I can't talk about it.  It's just everything and
everyone."  I started to feels the tears forming in my eyes.
"Football just sucks.  I know everyone blames me for last
night.  Paul was being an ass.  Our whole family thinks I
suck.  And dad is on my case about being the best
quarterback ever.  I'm just tired of it."  That was it.  I
had nothing left to say.

"Bro, I know it sucks.  But, listen to me, okay?"  He came
over and sat down next to me, putting his arm around me.  "I
play football because you do.  I work hard at school because
you do.  I am you.  I live and die every play you are out
there.  And not just because I want your job next year, but
because I want to learn from you.  If I can be half of the
player and person you are - I know everything will work out
just fine."

I just sat there - stunned.  My little brother - the 14-year-
old had just said all that.  "bro."

"Don't," Mikey started, "you're done talking.  Go to bed and
think about what you're going to say to the team tomorrow.
They are your troops and you have to get them ready for
battle again.  You lost round one - but it's time to man up
and get the ship right."

And with that, he hugged me close and left my room.  Now it
was just me and my crazy thoughts.

                            *****

"Come on!" coach yelled at us.  "You guys aren't even good.
Run it again."

So we did.for about the millionth time that afternoon.  This
was quickly turning into the worst practice of my life.  I
had cut finger and a sore calf but I was still out there,
busting my ass because I wanted to.no I needed to prove to
the team that I was capable of being the leader of this
team.

We went on for another half hour when coach blew his
whistle.  "Bring it in."  He spoke about working hard this
week and what we needed to think about before practice
tomorrow.  The team broke and headed for the shower but then
I realized what I needed to do.

"Hey!" I yelled.  Everyone kinda just blew me off.  "Hey!" I
yelled again.  Nothing was going to stop them.  So, I ran
over to coach and put my lips on his whistle and blew with
everything my lungs had in them.

"Hey!" I yelled one last time.  "I want everyone who plays
on the offense to meet me at midfield.  Now!"

As everyone gathered, Kole looked at me with a concerned
look in his eye but I just patted him on the shoulder.

I walked to the middle of the group and just opened up, like
good leaders do.

"Guys, I screwed up.  Friday's game is on me.  But it won't
happen again.  Our season starts now.  Round one is over,
but there are still ten more to go.  There isn't any reason
why we can't win them all.  With Kole running wild, Blake
hitting the holes and my secret service agents protecting by
back.we can do it."  I took a pause, thinking of where to go
next.  Taking a breath and calming my tone a bit, "I'm sorry
guys.  I won't let it happen again.  Bring it in.Mammoths on
three."

ONE. TWO. THREE. MAMMOTHS!
                            *****

Monday just seemed to drag on.  I had been dreading Pop
Cultures, but thankfully we started watching "Good Will
Hunting" instead of talking about how bad gays are to our
school.

A lot of people kind of ignored me, probably because they
saw how bad I sucked in the game.  Others made a point to
tell me to keep working.  Some people who didn't even know
me would walk up to me and just kinda look to see if it was
me.THE QUARTERBACK.  Good times to say the least.

The day wasn't bad and practice wasn't either.  We had the
energy we needed to get ready for our game that Friday.  I
felt like we finally were a team.  As long as we didn't talk
about gay people.  I guess I needed to get used to this up
and down kind of feeling.  I was starting to realize that as
long as I stayed in the closet, I would have good days and
bad and the blame for that was purely my own.
Someday.someday.




First of all, I have been overwhelmed by the response from
this story.  I never imagined anyone would even read this.
My goal when I set out to write this story was to have at
best one person be affected by it.  But in the first two
chapters, a story-time span of one day, I have received more
feedback than I ever dreamed.

Anyway, this is in fact, the first story I have ever
written, so I could use some feedback.  I have an outline
where this story is going to go, so please, be patient and
enjoy the ride as we get to know Andrew and his friends and
family.  It's going to be good and there will be sex
eventually..  I would love feedback because I can always
change where the story is going.after all, life is journey!
Please email me at andygaywriter@yahoo.com